How long newlyweds?

Next month, I will have been married 4 years.  Am I still a newlywed?

This might change your perspective: Rachel (my wife) and still very much enjoy each other’s company.

One of the pledges we made to each other in preparing for marriage and in being married was that we refuse to live into the negative attitude toward marriage held by so much of our society.

You know, the understanding of marriage on which most sit-coms are based?  The one where husbands gather to grouse collectively about their wives and the servitude they feel marriage is; the one where wives get together to lament that their men never want to spend time with them?

Of course, Rachel and I have some things going for us:

  1. We understand and work toward each other’s love languages.
  2. We genuinely like spending time together.
  3. We want to be as happy in our marriage in 30 years as we are now.

Sometimes, when I talk about how good my marriage is, or how good Rachel treats me, people tell me I’m still a newlywed; that the shine will wear off.


My brother Richard, who performed our wedding, shared this helpful image with us.  Consider your marriage to be a house.  The wedding is the front door to your house.  The front door is important; everyone wants a good, and attractive front door.  But if all you spend any time or money on is the front door, then you don’t have much of a house.

We had a great front door almost four years ago.  We are building an excellent house to go along with it.

3 thoughts on “How long newlyweds?

  1. I used that very illustration this past Sunday. In that case, however, I applied it to our relationship with God. Entering a relationship with God – coming to faith in Jesus – is great and awesome. It’s a necessary part of being a Christian. But it’s the door, not the house.

  2. I believe as well that Loving is a verb and that a happy marriage in many cases is a matter of choice.

    I also agree with your characterization of sit-com marriages. Good enough for a laugh from time to time but tends to isolate the sexes from eachother. I never liked the boys-against-the girls kinda thing. Two people are only strengthened by a true and respectful bond.

    Best wishes on your continued happines.

  3. What a great tribute to your life together! Our hope is that you will continue to grow and strenthen your love in the years to come. Let the love grow on ! We love having you in our family – FAV!

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