Listening to the radio this morning on my way to work, I heard the story of Kenny G’s brief foray into political endorsement. He tweeted a picture of himself with some of the pro-democracy protesters in Hong Kong.

I knew the political leaders of China wouldn’t like this.  I had no idea Kenny G. was so popular in mainland China.  Realizing he’d put a lucrative lifestyle in jeopardy, Mr. G. soon deleted his tweet.

Yesterday I wrote about 2 of the 3 reasons I’ve been blogging less.  Kenny G’s relationship with China reminded me of the third reason.

In June of 2012, I was appointed Senior Pastor of Euless First United Methodist Church. I blogged fairly freely while at the Methodist Children’s Home.  Few, very few of the people, staff or students, there, read my blog.  I was, therefore, free to write about whatever struck me, without having to filter.

Euless would not be so.  Not only was I likely to have more readers among my congregation, I wanted to write such that they would want to read.  I understood my congregation as part of the audience for the blog, where before I perceived them as two separate, mostly distinct audiences.

I speak differently to my congregation than I do in other settings.

You might say that, like Kenny G., I am aware of the source of my support.

Let me be clear:  I don’t change my opinions or positions on matter based on my perception of my congregation’s opinions or positions.

I still believe I am right.  Most of the time. I still believe that especially in terms of things theological, I want to influence people to agree with me, to come to see things as I see them.

Since I believe I am right, of course I believe people would, as a whole, be better agreeing than disagreeing with me.

At the same time, I have become more aware of the huge variety of ways influence can be exercised, leveraged, used.  Sometimes it is wasted.  It is always less effective at the heart level when influence is forced.

Most of the influence I seek to have I would like to make a difference at the heart level.

So, I self-censor.  I speak differently with some people than with others.

A church member told me of a conversation he had had with another church member a couple of months before I arrived.  The other person (who is no longer a member here), had found an internet reference calling me “progressive.”  I was told that he said in response to that revelation that I would be “starting with 1 strike against me.”

So I blog more carefully – more thoughtfully – than I used to.  I do so because I still think you are better off agreeing with me than disagreeing, but I realize some of you will likely quit reading what I write, or listening to what I have to say, if I write and speak less thoughtfully.

I self-censor.  I bet you do, too.


2 thoughts on “Self-Censoring

  1. I enjoy reading your blog and would rather be challenged to go beyond my own reasoning than getting stagnant. Knowing your mom, I sometimes smile as I see her influence on you.

    • Thank you, Judith! I hear/see almost daily something in or about me that is directly, undeniably from my mom or my dad. I think I make an interesting combination of them and myself!

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