“It’s not you; it’s me” is not all bad

I remember saying this at least once: “It’s not you; it’s me.” Like you might expect, I said this, at least in part, with the intent that the person with whom I was breaking up not to take it personally.

Like every relationship, though, the actual truth would probably have been more “it’s some you, and some me.

I thought of this about a week ago, as reactions and reverberations to The United Methodist Church’s 2019 General Conference started to flow. Then I realized that I had done a good bit of blame placing of my own. I almost became a Facebook Troll of a fellow UM Clergyperson! I typed out and all-but-hit “send” several times. In fact, if I were confronted with everything I did actually post or tweet, I might find a few that I would now undo.

It was in that process of self reflection that the phrase, “It’s not me; it’s you” came to mind. This time, though, it was with this reference point. The ‘analysis’ and reactions to #GC2019 all seemed to share this one characteristic: The problem was, is, will be, with some “other;” the other side, my opponents, etc.

In other words, most of the early reflections on General Conference 2019 were

It’s not me; it’s you.

Which really just shows how easily we tend to get caught up casting blame away from ourselves.

What if some of the “It’s not me; it’s you” that has been going around within United Methodism for more than 30 years met up with a larger dose of “It’s not you; it’s me”?

What have I been doing or saying; what has my “side” been doing or saying that contributes to our inability, as Christian brothers and sisters, to find a way toward the future to which God is calling us?

As long as the other is the problem, we will not find a satisfactory solution.

2 thoughts on ““It’s not you; it’s me” is not all bad

  1. When one side is openly advocating for sinful lifestyles it truly is not me but you. Or really, it’s not the Bible, it’s not the church, it’s you.

  2. I keep thinking that maybe the point of the Conference wasn’t really to resolve things, but a lesson that we are to continue to wrestle with God about such issues of holiness. I hate that people are hurting; and I think we often confuse love with understanding or agreement in our world. I’m personally torn on this issue and have people I care deeply for on both sides of the fence here. I keep thinking, though: If we can somehow love one another while continuing to wrestle through this, how can anyone doubt our love of Jesus?

    My question out of all this is: when did marriage become essential to the gospel?

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